First Oncology Appointment

This is just a pre-blog for the appointment. Just so ya know.

I'm scared..like sick to my stomach scared. Going to see an oncologist ( the big C ) Dr, makes this all so effen real. You know, this is NOT fair. At all, and I'm MAD about it. Mad at God, mad at the doctors, mad at everyone. I'm really mad at the people who I thought would support me, but aren't. I should have known better, really. Support really isn't their thing. If it's not about them, then forget about it. I'm just plain mad, damnit.

I don't know what to expect either. Which scares me as well. Not being in control, isn't my cuppa tea. I have to have control. But, I need to let God be in control. Man is that hard. But, I'm trying.

A friend from church is going with me tomorrow, so I'm a bit relieved. Or, a lot relieved.

Ok, I'm done rambling, if none of this makes sense, just ignore it, I won't be offended

Randomness

I love Jesus.

I love purple.

I'm scared shitless. ( I KNOW!! You're thinking.."She loves Jesus and she just said shit!" It's just a word people, and it 100 percent describes how scared I am.

Someone told me I talk too much about having cancer. ( Um, I don't know how NOT to talk about it. )

I don't know how I'd get through this without Jesus, my husband, or my church. ( all amazing )

I really don't know much about my cancer, because I'm scared to death to google it. ( I have found one blog about it, and she's so very inspirational. )

Oh, in my previous blog I said that people tell me " it's great news that it's treatable. But really, they just don't get it. It's cancer. It won't be easy." I didn't mean offense, but really no one does get it. You can't understand. I'm sorry if I sounded bitchy. It's just reality. I never got it either..til I got to wear this 'cancer hat'. Please know I so love all the encouragement..I'm just being real here..to get it all out. <3

I am tired all of the crackin' time. Always. Then I lay in bed so exhausted and can't sleep. It's so frustrating I could cry.

I have a lil dog Izzie, who sits under my chair outside to protect me of the evils of the world..like my husband. ha.

My first oncology appointment is Tuesday, and I am scared..well you got the idea above. I'm also going alone, my hubby has to work..and no one else is available to go with me. That scares me too. I don't want to miss something really important the DR. says, that another set of ears could hear. Ah well, such is life. Jesus will be with me.

I drink water all day long and it has to be ICE cold. Love water.

I'm in love with iced coffee. Sugar free vanilla iced coffees with a splenda and a little extra 1/2 and 1/2. If you want to get in my good graces..bring me one of those. I'll love you forever.

I got prayer from our personal prayer team yesterday morning and it was more than words can describe. I have yet to read the notes my friend ( who's on the prayer team ) jotted down for me. One thing I can say, is it's funny how God can bring something up that you really weren't aware of. He's really amazing. He is peace.

My nieces and nephews are the light of my life. Seriously they can make me smile no matter how I am feeling. Here are a few pics of them:

Alicia, Aliya and Avi.

Prettiest girls ever.

Nino/Antonio ( Don't let the smile fool you! )

Jeramyah and Elijah ( they're tough, can't ya tell?)

With that, I'll end my randomness.

Peace and blessings to you and yours.