PET scan, bone marrow biopsy ( OMG that hurt! ) and Results

Ok. Whew.

I had my PET scan and bone marrow biopsy two days after my oncology appointment. All in one day. ONE day. Who knew that being in a hospital could make you feel so dirty? Yick. I digress. PET scan was first. They took me to this teeny tiny little room with a recliner. Started my IV, took my blood sugar, etc. Blood sugar was high even though I had not eaten since 7pm the night before. Nervous much? Anywho, the tech comes in with this steel box, opens it up, and pulls out this syringe protected by this steel tube thing. Way more nervous now. Obviously this crap isn't safe if it's doubly protected by steel. Sigh. She puts it into my IV, takes the IV out. She tells me I have to wait for an hour to let the radioactive crap swim around in my body. Lovely. She gets me a warm blanket, and I wait. and wait. and wait. In this teeny tiny little room. FINALLY she comes to get me and takes to get the scan. My arms above my head for 50 minutes or so. It was uncomfortable. Of course, I cried. Not because I was scared or hurt...but because each step in this process just makes it more real. Sucks. So after the 50 minutes, they do where the tumor was for another 15 minutes. I swear, it felt like I was in there forever! Gah. I hate those machines. After I got done, I called a friend from church. She came and got me, we ran to get a bite to eat, then over to the Dr's office. ( Well, across the hall to the treatment center. )

Walking into the treatment center was so difficult. Seeing patients sitting there looking so sick, they have lost all of their hair. Even a little boy, maybe 3 yrs old. I cried. It was so hard. I feel so bad for those that are so sick. I prayed for them, and tried to collect myself. The nurse calls my name, and takes me back to the room where they are going to torture me. Oh, but seriously. I walk by rooms where people are there with loved ones or alone, getting their treatment. Some are watching TV, snacking, talking. Some are asleep in beds. It was like a knife to my heart. So, I get back to the torture room. Ok, so it was a hospital-looking room. She tells to have a seat, and someone will be in. So I do, and again begin to cry. This is my life, now. It's scary, it's heartwrenching to see the other patients, it's hard. A nurse brought some supplies in for the torture test. Ok, bone marrow biopsy. So, I may be exaggerating a lil, although it does feel like torture. I digress. She asked what was wrong, and was so friendly...totally put me at ease. Everyone was great. Judeen ( the P.A. ) was a riot. She said " I just need to feel your ass" Which made me laugh and feel comfy. The biopsy/torture test was incredibly painful. They had a hard time getting me numb correctly. Judeen called in her associate, and she just went for it. Oh my God it hurt. I cried and cried. Sobbed. Almost jumped off the bed. I think at one point, I begged her to stop. I don't know how long this took, 1/2 hr to an hr, maybe..since I was so hard to get numb. Judeen held my hand after and apologized for putting me through hell. I got through it, but sometimes I get sick to my stomach just thinking about. They do this to kids too! The lil 3 yr old boy was in the next room over from me, and he did nothing but cry. That killed me.

Results of the PET Scan were negative! It didn't spread!! Thank you God. I go on the 17th to get the bone marrow results and talk treatment options, I think.

God is here though all of this. I know that. Do I feel it, no. None of it makes sense. Not one aspect of it. I love Jesus. Praying is hard for me. I can pray for others, but that's it. That's ok, I think. I know that many others are praying for me, having enough faith for me and loving on me. I'm very grateful to God that the cancer didn't spread, and I prayed a prayer of thanks. But, I'm sad for those sick people that I saw. I wonder why not them, why me? I certainly don't feel deserving. God has a plan for all of us, the sick and the not so sick with this damned disease. Just wish I knew what it was.